It all started with the Pumpkin Juice
by The Face of Evil
Summary: 5th year, something is in the Juice, results in brawl for all! hogwarts gone mad!, 'She raped me' Harry said pointing and Ginny :) New Chapter: Snape and Viagara! lesbian girlfriends.. ginny and birth control! Grass Skirts! MADNESS IS BACK! HUMOR MAX R/R
1. Pumpkin Juice

Author Notes: Its 4 am in the morning, my head hurts so here is the fic, it starts out ok but then turns too …

Chapter 1

Harry, Ron and Hermione were in their fifth year at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry.  The new term had just started a few days ago and the teachers had already started putting the pressure on them for their owls. (Ordinary Wizarding Levels)

The morning was like any other morning. Hogwarts looked beautiful, with the light coming in trough the windows and the fake ceiling in the great hall. 

The entire student body charged in for breakfast, the one meal no one missed. With a day of classes ahead of them, students wanted to be sure of a full tank.

The amazing whiff of waffles, pancakes as well as a variety of eggs and toast, beckoned to the trio, guiding them straight to the Gryffindor table.

The drink this morning was pumpkin juice, a favorite among all Hogwarts students and staff, the drink was a specialty made by the house elves down in the kitchens.

'Great day, huh Ron' said Harry as he sat down on the table. 

Ron nodded 'It will be after I dig into this marvelous feast!' 

Ron took a swing of the pumpkin juice.

'So, Herm; which is Snape's period' asked Harry. 

'Second' replied Hermione starting to eat her breakfast (and taking swigs of the pumpkin juice)

As mentioned before, the pumpkin juice in Hogwarts is a specialty of the place. Every student by this time had taken several gulps and some even a few goblets.

Hermione shot a glance at Ron who was attacking the breakfast before them with gusto. Hermione sighed all Ron thought of lately was food and more food. I wish he would do that to me… Where did that thought come from? I'm beginning to shock myself she thought. A voice in her mind, said come on you know it's true. She blushed.

'Herm, why are you blushing' asked Harry a dazed look in his eyes.

Hermione blushed red even more and took a few swigs of the pumpkin juice.

Did I mention pumpkin juice? Today it was extra-extra special thanks to a few ingredients put in by the great Weasley Bros. It is fully credited to them, why the students suddenly acquired a huge craving for more and more juice.

The effects of the juice started hitting the weak first.

Neville started to act very strangely. First, he picked up his fork and started twirling his arm around trying to hit the eggs on the table. 

'What's wrong with Neville?' said Harry 

Suddenly, Neville got up from the table. He headed towards the Slytherin table much to the shock of all present in the hall.

It is to be noted that the teachers were not present at this time, an emergency staff meeting had been called to secure the school from Voldemort and they had left the hall staff-less. 

"Malfoy' yelled Neville in a very un-Neville like voice. 'Get up'.

Neville grabbed Malfoy by the collar and hurled him across the Slytherin table with amazing strength and force. 

The entire Slytherin table was up in arms! What on earth was going on!

'You lully livered, son of a fucking death eater' with those words Neville jumped and started to pound Malfoy down to the table. 

The Slytherins grabbed Neville of the table and started to pound the hell out of him.

'CHARGE!' came a yell from the Gryffindor table as students ran to help Neville.

Someone screamed 'FREE FOR ALL' 

Now, it seems that Gryffindor and Slytherin houses have had rivalries for years and years; the frustrations of several generations of both houses can arouse a lot of feeling. These tendencies towards violence were err 'Unleashed'.

'Kill the fucking death eaters' 

'In the name of the true dark lord'

'YIPEEE YAHOOOeee!'

Punches began to be traded left right and centre. 

The other houses tried to raise for calm.

'Hail Slytherin, dam the bastard Gryffindor and the other fucking two whores' screamed some one from the centre of the now huge brawl.

This of course snapped the other houses out of their revere and they charged into the brawl. Suddenly some of them realized they had wands!

Out came the magic concentrates!

Hexes were thrown left right and centre as screams of pain and agony echoed through the hall,

The poor teachers, who had sealed themselves in a sound proof area of the castle, did not realize what was going on.

The girls by this time had succeeded in ripping parts of each other's hair of, while the boys had black eyes and various abnormalities due to curses.

The dark arts detectors around the hall began to go off one by one as the curses became more and more powerful

(Let's move on to the more personal encounters)

Hermione and Pansy were fighting it out curse to hex. Mainly Hermione was hexing and Pansy was cursing (the swearing type).

'Mud-blood' screamed Pansy as her ears began to grow.

'Slytherin slut!' shouted Hermione. Slurring the words so badly that her curses stopped working. 

'Fuck this wand' she screamed as she launched her self on Pansy.

'Get-off get –off' yelled Pansy as Hermione tried to rip her hair apart.

Malfoy managed to throw of Neville with the full body bind and headed for Potter. 

'Potter, you scar-face freak! I have waited for this a long time' he yelled as he shouted of hexes one by one.

Harry managed to duck the first few and retaliated 

'You're a fucking maggot Malfoy' he replied.

'Maggot this you bastard' he sent a cruse which Harry dodged.

'I bet your father slept with the dark lord to conceive you' Harry spat, throwing the Jelly legs on Malfoy.

'I don't know how you bloody found out, but you're going to pay for that' yelled Malfoy diving headfirst into Harry.

Harry stunned by his retort reacted a second to late and the world went black.

Ron and Crabbe+Goyle

Ron: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Thunk sound)

Cho Chang and Slytherin Seventh Year

'SEXUAL HARRASMENT' screamed Cho.

Parvati Patel and Fat Slytherin 5th year Girl

'Summo-Kammo' yelled the Fifth year as she jumped on Parvati.

Parvati: mmmmm!

Seamus and Dean (Wait a Minuite!)

'Oh! Seamus, Seamus, yeah yeah, more more!' Dean

Slytherin 6rth Year and Ravenclaw (boys)

'Impotenita' screamed the 4rth year pointing his wand at the Ravenclaw. 

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' screamed the Ravenclaw as the dark magic detectors gave another siren.

(A/N How many people get this one ::::DDDD, never did like them claws much!)

Ginny Weasley 'Fuck this shit!' she screamed and kissed Harry as he fell down. 

'Good thing he's lying down…' ………………………….

(A/N This does not mean I think Harry is SHIT!)

Even the ghost got into the action!

The bloody barren was playing basket ball (I assume he found out some how) with the Head of Nearly-Headless-Nick (yeah yeah he's still attached to it!)

The twins of course were no where to be seen. 

Alicia and Katie (err)

'More, more, more' (You get the picture) 'Get outta the middle you stinking first year!'

Chorus from somewhere: I maybe a little chimneysweep but I have a big BROOM!

Suddenly the door to the entrance hall burst open….

Author Notes: It is my intention to convert this piece of trash and madness into a full blooming fic, full of more and more madness, imagine what could this bunch be doing in potions! Review and tell me if I should go the next step!


	2. Group Therapy Begins

A/N – For those who don't know Impotenita is an ancient dark curse to make the opponent impotent i.e. enable to get it up to fuck…

Suddenly the door to the entrance hall burst open….

And Snape walked in. He stared at the sight in-front of him. 

'Impotenita' came a sound from somewhere followed by an awful screaming of all the Ravenclaw Boys as they were cursed. Severus Snape looked towards the caster seconds before he got a full blast of the curse.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' he screamed as he ran out of the hall. Many heads turned, shrugged and went back to whatever they were doing.

Then the rest of the teachers arrived…

Two hours later…

Harry woke up in an overstuffed hospital wing. There were students everywhere supporting everything from black eyes, to black roses, from knobby knees to knobby noses!.  For some reason the Ravenclaw boys were wailing the most. Fucking stupid buggers he thought as he got out of bed.

Harry felt wonderful, his entire mind was in bliss all inhibitions lost this was perfect!

'Ah! Your finally up!' said Madam Pomfrey. She gave a final examination. 'Of you go to your dorm, we need the hospital wing space! Classes will resume as soon as we can get enough students to attend them!' 

And this was a first thought Harry, stupid old bat! He walked out dragging his feet. 

I'm singing in rain, the singing in the rain, such a glorious day and I'm happy again….

Meanwhile in the Gryffindor Dorms Ron was pacing up and down. 

The caught me, the caught me and they and they. He gave a violent shudder THEY WERE FUCKING GAY! HE SCREAMED!

Hermione Granger was meanwhile recovering from a bad case of warts, should have known her hair was diseased she thought to her self.

Pansy on the other hand had got Hermotitis, she sealed her self in the library and refused to come out.

In the staff room

'What s going on with the students!' shrieked Prof McGonagall.

'Where is Severus?' asked Lupin still a little calm.

'He locked himself in the dungeon and refuses to come out' said Madam Hooch.

Dumbledore walks in. I'm singing in the rain, singing the rain it's a glorious day and I'm happy again. 

Heads turn towards him, to see him to a tap dance using his wand as a elongated walking stick and dancing sideways.

'Headmaster!' said the staff at once.

'Ah! Goten Mornish' he said as he danced out of the room and headed towards his office.

'Quick we need to do something!' shrieked the divination teacher.

'Remus, lock him in his office, we can't let him be seen in this way' said Prof McGonagall 'Better yet, stun him and tie him up'. An evil grin crossed her face. I have fantasized this for so long, Remus secretly was of the same opinion… both opinions.

Meanwhile in the Dungeons

'Father will not be pleased about this news' said Malfoy aloud as he owled his father saying that somehow his best kept secret had come out.

After a few hours the entire school was out of the hospital ward. The Ravenclaw boys went of to sulk, unable to bear the shock. Classes started with as much normalcy as possible.

'We have potions' said Ron slowly getting up. My butt still hurts like hell he said to himself, but I'll be dammed if I'll tell anyone!

'Good' said Hermione 'There are a few things I've been dying to say to the fucking bastard of a poor excuse, death eater Prof'

'Maybe thus is not such good idea' said Harry.

Harry and Ron grabbed a kicking and screaming Hermione and took her back to the common room ('Let me at that bastard, five years of frustration in his class! AHHH!!!). Then they died her down to the chair.

'Y'Know fellas' said Neville 'We all been acting kinda funny'

'Yeah, he's right' said Hermione 'For the first time in his fucking life!' 

Neville buried his face in a couch 'NO BODY LOVES ME, BAWAWAA' 

'SHUT UP!' 

'We hafta find some cure' said Dean walking in.

'Cure!, I fucking love this feeling!' screamed Hermione at him.

'She has a point mate' said Seamus who came down from the dorms, he gave an evil smile to Dean.

Dean returned it and they sort of disappeared to…

(I think you get the picture)

The door to the Gryffindor Common room opened just then and Prof. McGonagall walked in.

'Gryffindors' she said making her voice loud via a spell. 

The entire house collected downstairs and waited to see what she wanted.

'I am ashamed of all of you! How could you behave like that!' she scolded, those you had the function of hearing put down their heads.

'You have embarrassed the school and your house!' she shrieked further 'I won't be taking points since, all the houses were involved, but none the less all of you shall serve detention'

It was lucky that Ron put his hand on Hermione's mouth, for she was going to tell McGonagall exactly what to do with that detention.

'There will be no classes today. Further, some of you may have suffered emotional damage from the events' she said with a quick glance to Neville 'Now you are to have several unguided group therapy lessons. Just make groups of ten and talk!'. That will keep them out of trouble she thought. While the find out what was happening. They had to get Severus out of the dungeon, only he could make an antidote. 

They couldn't ask for outside help, that would mean admitting to what had happened. With the air of a king leaving his subjects she left the common room.

'She can take her lesson, up her fucking A**' said Hermione.

'This groupie thing may not be a bad idea' said Harry 'time pass' 

So the Gryffindors collected into groups of ten friends all over the Gryffindor common room, similar groups were being created all over the school.

After a few minutes of hesitation, they finally started to talk

'Who is going first?' asked Ron.

'Seamus and I had wild thrashing sex on the floor' said Dean.

'$52#43' said Hermione.

'Dean is a very good fuck!' said Seamus.

'Ew!' said Neville

'I was raped by Crabbe and Goyle' Ron blurted out. Stunned silence follows…

'Were they a good fuck?' asked Seamus quite interested.

Ron turned a deep shade of red and crimson. 

'She rapped me' said Harry pointing to Ginny.

Another moment of stunned silence

'Did NOT!' said Ginny

'Did TOO' said Harry 'I found out!' 

'You weren't complaining!' said Ginny. 'Any way you turned out to be a very bad fuck, god I thought Boy-who-lives, Dark Lord vanquisher and all would be good!'

'Cause I was knocked out cold!' said Harry

'That explains it!' said Ginny 'Want to have another go?' 

'NO!' said Harry 'I mean I couldn't object as I was knocked out!'

'Lucky bastard' said Neville.

Err, moving on.

'I'm not getting any' said Hermione

Stunned Silence

'Ron, won't fuck me!' she screamed,.

'Have you asked' said Ginny

'No' said Hermione 'But, it's like obvious!'

'Take a leaf out of my book' said Ginny

Ron curled up on the floor into a ball and started twitching.

'Give the guy a break! He's feeling venerable!' said Harry

'Not to mention violated!' said Neville

'So, he can fuck Crabbe and Golye but can't fuck me, is that it?' asked Hermione.

'You seem to speak from experience' said Dean to Neville trying to change the subject.

Neville mouthed one word 'Snape'

A/N : An I wrap here! What is happending in the other dorms? What was in the juice? New events that will shock and strartle the entire school! (As if anything more could happen) Gryffindor and Slytherin rivalry maxes out! All this and more. So please review!


	3. Others

Author Note: Thanks you for all the reviews! The Madness continues! HAHAHAHHHA!

(oh yeah, little less swearing…)

Meanwhile In a Dungeon far far away.

'So, boys totaled up the score' said Blaise

'Yes! I win I got the maximum Gryfs' said Draco Malfoy jumping up and down

'But I got to have sex!' said Crabbe.

'Me too' said Goyle

'But I got the Claws impotent' insisted a sixth year.

'My blood is purer than yours' sang Malfoy

'Show off!' said Blaise

'okay everyone can we now start the group therapy' said a stern Slytherin prefect. 'Who wants to go first'

'I screwed Crabbe' said Goyle

'I screwed you!' screamed Crabbe

'Wait a minute if I didn't screw you and you didn't screw me, who the hell did we screw?' said Goyle

Crabbe shrugged 'Who cares?'

'Right!' said Blaise 'I got a go at Chang' 

'Cool' said the other Slytherins.

'I hit potter' said Malfoy.

Standing Ovation Given here

'You know all that action has made me kind of horny' said Slytherin 6th Year. 

'Yeah, you're right' said Malfoy

'and Snape's gone' said Blaise.

The Slytherins looked evilly at each other.

'Mob attack!' screamed Malfoy as he raised his wand and charged out of the room.

An entire army of Slytherins followed

'Ethnic cleansing'

'Die Die Die'

'Gryffindor ho!' 

The army of Slytherins marched through the halls taking up positions to attack unsuspecting passersby 

At the Ravenclaw common room

'Testing 1 2 3, testing 1 2 3' 

'Dam it still not works!' 

At the Hupplepuff Common Room

A sly figure emerged from the dorm. 

'Revenge shall be mine' 

The Gryffindors

"No!' said Seamus

'Yes, it was in third year, he promised me a passing mark… ' sobbed Neville.

'YOU PRAT YOU SELPT WITH MY SNAPE!' screamed Dean

'HEY!' said Seamus 'I though you loved me!'. Seamus ran from the meeting.

'oh, no Seamus wait!' said Dean as he followed in pursuit.

'Well, if any one of you wants me, I'll be in my room reading some magazines' said Hermione getting up and leaving.

(A/N: I shall not elaborate on which magazines…)

Ron let out a whimper as he circled into the corner.

'Harry…' said Ginny an evil glint in her eye.

'Stay back!' Stack back!' Harry said brandishing a chair

Ginny didn't stop, and approached him.

'NOOOOOOOOOO!' screamed Harry as he ran from the common room, Ginny right behind him.

'Come back! And face me like a man! You coward' yelled Ginny.

Meanwhile the rest of the school had taken to prowl the corridors in the open.

Suddenly, Peeves began to scream.

'MURDER! MURDER AT HOGWARTS!' 

The entire school came running, to the hall way.

The first to reach on the scene was McGonagall, and many students from various houses.

Draco Malfoy stood above the body of a 5th Year Slytherin. He appeared dead.

'I didn't do it!' he said to McGonagall as she checked for a pulse.

'Slytherin filth'

'Murderer'

Shouted the crowd, the edged around to get a better look

'He's alive' said McGonagall finally.

The Slytherin had been mutilated with teeth marks all over his body, as McGonagall moved to the side the writing on the wall became clear to all. In blood it was etched.

"THE CLOSET OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPNED. ENIMIES OF THE BADGER BEWARE!'

'You'll be next Slytherin scum' shouted someone from the crowd.


	4. Madness continues...

Author Notes: My head was spinning again so I rushed to write more! Thank you for all those amazing reviews! The madness continues…

'They can't even spell it right' someone else said.

The crowd sniggered, but stopped under McGonagall's stern face. She conjured up a stretcher and took the Slytherin away.

The crowd began to dissipate leaving Malfoy to his weird thoughts.

Meanwhile…

'Finally. Caught YOU!' said Ginny, wrestling Harry to the floor.

'Ginny, you don't want  to do this' screamed Harry as she put him in the fully body sans mouth bind, so that he could speak.

Ginny then sat on him.

'Why not? I've wanted this for years!' she said.

'But you are Ron's sister!' said Harry

'Sister this!' she pulled him into a deep French kiss.

'Fuck! That felt good!' she said

After Harry had come down from his temporary high

'Dam!' he said 'Dam! Dam! Dam!'

'More?' asked Ginny batting her eyelids.

Horny beyond possibilities…

'Please..'

Meanwhile Female Dorm Gryffindor Tower

Hermione had a bunch of Magazines in one hand wand in other, and an insane pleasure filled look on her face.

Parvati walked in…

'What are you doing!' squealed Parvati.

'What does it look like bitch, getting off!' replied Hermione

'With a wand!' exclaimed Parvati

'Haven't you read Hogwarts: A history?' screamed Hermione 'Why do you think they invented them?, ever wonder why they are in this shape!' 

Moans and groans follow….

In the Hupplepuff Dormitories…

A sly figure laughed 'Revenge! Soon the school shall be rid of all the snakes! Oooh how I hate Snakes!'

Let's go over to Ginny and Harry

Ginny and Harry were tumbling all over the classroom, Ginny trying to get Harry's clothes off. 

Suddenly the door burst open and Ron walked in.

'Harry I' he stopped midway 'GINNY!' 

'Hiya Ron' said Ginny sweetly not bothering to get off Harry.

'WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!' he screamed looking much like Hurricane Nino

(A/N I have never seen her (Nino) but, use your imagination freely)

'Mimblewimble' said a scared Harry

'I'm trying to fuck him,. What else!' said Ginny

'Oh! I'm sorry, err I thought it was something else, um, never mind' Ron quickly walked out of the room, leaving a smiling Ginny and a shocked Harry.

'Now, speaking of screwing' said Ginny.

Ron, left the room. The shock of seeing Ginny and Harry together had pulled him out of his depressive state. His trauma turned to anger as he plotted his revenge on Crabbe and Goyle. 

Back in the Gryffindor Common Room….

'Yes, you can do it too' said Hermione to a group of fifth years.

'Is it safe?' asked one of the girls

'Totally, I've been using it for years' said Hermione

'Just take the tip of your wand, put it in and say the spell' she added

'Wow!' said Parvati clearly impressed.

'What about side effects?' asked a more cautious Gryffindor

'Well they are some, patches are known to appear and the wetness may take sometime to go' said Hermione

The benefits were obvious. So, all the girls began to use Hermione's new spell to clean the pages of their textbooks.

Slytherin Group with Draco Malfoy in the hallways…

A batch of Gryffindors who had also taken to the hallways in retaliation of random Slytherin attacks came upon this group.

'Look!, It's the heir of Hupplepuff' said Seamus to Malfoy.

The Gryffindors looked at each other and started laughing on the floor. 

Malfoy went red, he had been awarded the ultimate insult. 

'Badger face!' said Neville between sobs 'Always knew you had it in you'

The Slytherins took out their wands (Crabbe and Goyle put their hands on their robes)

'Attack!' screamed Malfoy.

The Hallway brawl began.

Ron arrived on this scene. His face broke into a smile. With a war cry that would have made the Vikings proud, Bebogatrs-All-purpose-Vasline and several objects of varying sizes in his hand he charged into the fight.

Prof. Lupin went to talk to the headmaster. Hopefully, he would be better he said to himself. 

He opened the Magic Lock they had put on the door and entered to see the office in shambles. 

'Loopy!' come here said Dumbledore, dragging Lupin to his desk. "Look! Old pictures!' 

Lupin gazed at the moving picture in font of him. He eyes went wide with shock.

Snape was dancing in a grass skirt making fun of the Wizarding Lawnmower.

The words formed clearly.

'He-appa He-appa He-potado, cut me if you can, you stupid dodo!' Snape's picture sang as he did a weird practiced and coordinated dance around the Lawnmower. 

Suddenly Lupin realized what Dumbledore had used to blackmail Snape initially to join the light side.

A/N: Next more Ginny and Harry, mad Ron, Nympho Hermione, The heir of Hupplepuff and lots more! Please review! They always make new chapters magically appear!


	5. Heh heh Just read the dam thing!

I got Reviews! So here is the next chapter!

The Slytherins sounded the retreat as they slowly rushed back to their common room. Quite a few of them holding their buttocks (A/N JKR's descp. For you) as they were chased by the Gryffindors and a screaming Ron 

Draco Malfoy ran, into the Slytherin dorm.

'Dam! DAM! DAM!' he said as he stomped his foot in rhythm. He collapsed onto a sofa, as the other Slytherins came in. They took out the emergency medi-supplies and began to heal themselves. 

Of course, for Crabbe and Goyle there was no cure…

Draco got up, he was late for a screwing date with Pansy. I'll feel better after that he told himself. Pansy, was a total slut, weak and pathetic who would do anything Draco told her. A smile lit his face as he went to the agreed room to meet her.

He opened the door, what he saw inside was enough to make him faint. 

Pansy, leather, handcuffs, whip, gag, jello…

An evil smile came on Pansy's face as she put him in the full body bind

(A/N. Now I get who/why invented that spell… Oh yeah this bit is dedicated to a certain white ferret who likes to do this stuff, especially to Malfoy)

The last thing Draco thought as he saw the approaching mini-skirt was 'I'm dead'

Meanwhile at the owlery

Lupin rushed to tie the letter and package to a large barn owl. Sirius would be so happy he thought as the owl went on its way. 

Meanwhile around the school the teachers were busy trying to find a cure. McGonagall had taken to patrol Snape's corridor while researching for the cause of the sudden madness. 

Suddenly the potions master door burst open with a bang. The entire staff came running to see what had happened.

The smoke cleared slowly…

Snape ran out naked 'Eureka Eureka! I've done it!' 

The staff was too shocked to say anything.

'I have invented it! I shall call it Viagaraserum!' he screamed while he danced around

'Um Severus' said Lupin finally 

Snape stopped dancing and looked at his naked body. He turned beat root red under the gaze of Hooch, Traw, McGonagall, and the other female teachers. He ran back into his room and shut the door again.

'I'm never coming out!' he screamed. 

Hermione was meanwhile at the library

'It's got to be here somewhere!' she wailed 'I saw it a month ago!'

She frantically started searching through all the books once again. 

'It's so simple! Why doesn't every book have it?' Parvati said as she joined in the search 

'Here look! I found it!' said Hermione excitedly

Parvati leaned over her shoulder to see the heading 'Vibarato Spell' on the page

Um, Sorry folks we can't switch to Malfoy, he's tied up with something.

Dumbledore's Office

Dumbledore is on his desk, ON. 

McGonagall and Lupin walk in.

'I can't dance, I can't talk, the only thing about me is the way I walk'

Dumbledore was doing a cat-walk on his large oak desk.

'Headmaster, you have to shake this madness!' said McGonagall

'I'm mad, I'm mad and you know it' Dumbledore sang as he did a break dance on the table.

'For the love of God!' exclaimed Lupin

'and I would do anythin for love, I'd run to hell and back, da dum' Dumbledore sang

McGonagall giggled, he's kind off cute she thought.

'Christ!' said Lupin sitting down with his head in his hands

'What if god was one of us? A slob like one of us'

This is fun McGonagall thought.

'Fire' she said.

'You are… my fire, my one, desire' 

Lupin moaned.

'Broom?' 

'Hit me baby one more time, my loneliness is killing me, yeah yeah' 

McGonagall giggled again.

'What are you doing?' Lupin asked.

'Shh, Night'

'Turn your thoughts away, from the garish light of day, turn your face away from cold unfeeling light and listen to the music of the night'

'Um, fly?'

'I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky, think about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly away'

Dumbledore flapped his arms and jumped out the window.

'NOOOOO!' screamed Lupin 'what have you done!' he said then to McGonagall

A/N: 50 points to who can correctly guess the names of the songs and artists mentioned in this fic, if by the next chapter someone had not got all of them right, then the one with the highest gets the points…

Author Notes: More on Snape and his new invention. Hermione makes a decision. Malfoy? Heh heh! What's going to happen to Dumbledore….

Please Review!


	6. Kabang!

A/N: Annnnnnd! The winner is Shellyk! 50 points! Congratulations! You got every one of them right! Well except the 'I'm mad' one, which is actually a takeoff from MJ, but the site link you provided was good enough! Have a butter beer! :)

Gryffindor Girl dormitories

Hermione Granger stood up on a table several girls were listening to her

'No longer will our …. Be chaste and unused! We will fight for every girl who is not getting laid and should! Today we stand together! This is our destiny! We will prevail! WE WILL GET LAID!'

A cheer of applause rang out through the audience

(A/N: 10 points for telling, which movie is this from)

'Look! He's bouncing like a ball on the ground!' said McGonagall

She and Lupin had rushed to the window

Accio Dumbledore!

As soon as Lupin said that spell, Dumbledore was sucked through the window and back into his office.

Lupin said another spell and Dumbledore was tied up in ropes and gag.

'There! I hate to do this, but it's for his own good!' said Lupin

'Umm, can I stay and protect him?' asked a meek McGonagall.

Lupin gave her a piercing stare, but she was his ex-professor after all. He shrugged and went off muttering something about Psycho-transfiguration teachers.

In a room far far away, actually just near the Gryffindor common room

Ginny and Harry lay down exhausted

'Unreal' said Harry breaking the silence

'Dam! You are a good fuck, I knew it I knew it!' said Ginny 

'How?' asked Harry

'Well, you know what they say about men with dark hair' said Ginny

'Not really…' said Harry

'Oh! Actually I saw you masturbating in the fourth year' said Ginny laughing.

Harry went red, totally and completely.

'when? How?' he sputtered

'I was in the Gryffindor Common room trying to give Ron a letter from, mom, and I saw you come in, I kinda hid behind the bed' she smiled again, evil Ginny style

Harry went redder (if that is even possible)

'So, who were you imagining…' asked Ginny 

'I am not having this conversation! I am not having this conversation' said Harry trying to make it all go away

At the Slytherin Male Dormitories

Draco entered the room in a daze, he took of the clothes he was wearing.

'OMG! What happened!' asked Blaise looking at the whip marks all over Draco.

'Nothing, nothing..' said Draco trying to hide.

'Let, me guess Pansy's gone Dominatrix' Blaise laughed. 

'Shut up!' snarled Draco. But Blaise didn't he just went out laughing his head of. It was then Draco saw the owl waiting for him.

He went up to the owl and took the letter with the Malfoy family seal.

_Dear Drakie,_

'Drackie? ' said Draco aloud

_I am tired of the lies and the deceit. Hiding from the world is not the answer, I have decided that I must face it. Draco, I am your mother Voldie is your father. I am divorcing my wife and marrying my true love Voldie. The world will soon know of our love and my sex change operation! I know you are happy for us! Will inform you of the date of the marriage._

_Your loving mother_

_L. Malf_

P.S. I've changed my name to Linda

A long and loud scream was heard from the dorm at this time.

In a dungeon bellow the castle… 

The potion master looked at the parchment in front of him. He was going to be rich!

Some group called Pfizer had decided to buy the formulae of him and sell it world wide.

'Well at least mine works' he thought happily as he wrote a reply of affirmation

(A/n: Pun intended)

Fred and George Weasley had got into serious trouble. Fred had pushed George into the barrel of pumpkin juice and George had dragged Fred with him

They now stood in the middle of the common room.

'Fred, I just found out, my girl friend is a lesbian!' said George breaking into tears 'No wonder we never had great sex'

Fred fell down on the floor laughing. 'You stupid prat! I thought you knew better than that' 

George became angry 'She was screwing your girlfriend!' 

Fred went pale and limp. 

'Nooooooooooo!'

Gryffindor Female Dorms

'There its finished!' said Hermione

'What?' asked Parvati 

'My grand plan to Gang rape Ron' said Hermione rubbing her hands in anticipation

'Um, you and which gang' asked Parvati

'What!' Hermione grabbed Parvati 'Do you thing I'm not gang enough to rape Ron!' 

'Err, no no! I didn't mean that!' said a scared Parvati

'Me, Myself and Hermione will take turns!' she said letting out an evil laugh

Great thought Parvati a combination of three nymphomaniacs.

'Um, Can I come?' asked Parvati

Hermione gave her this extremely hard stare.

'Sure, but bring your own Vaseline' she said finally

A/N: Mwhahahahaha! I got reviews so you got the next chapter! :). I repeat 10 points for who can name the movie (the Hermione statement on top). So review! :)


	7. Yo! Ho!

A/N: The movie was me, myself and Irene! Nobody got it right (dam!)! Quite a few got American Pie Right though so ten points to all! :) thanks for all the reviews though! Love ya!

A shadow passed over the castle of Hogwarts as the Weasley madness spread through the hallways, driving people to lust and insanity. A contradiction within themselves, to realize the innermost being, which they have kept locked up, feared and worried about. Someday, it was to come out and such was the day today

Hermione Granger stalked through the hallways, her quick cat like eyes gleamed as the fire of the torchlight's bounced of them, sending shadows across the hallways. 

She caught sight of a whiff of red hair, passing slowly through the maze that was Hogwarts. Her face broke into an eerie smile, the prey had at last been found. Parvati kept her distance from Hermione, least she suffer her wrath. But eagerly awaited the spoils of the kill…

Ron was moving through the hallways oblivious to the followers tracking his movement. A content smirk of revenge was on his face, reliving the moments again and again to get the maximum satisfaction.

Slytherin Common Room

Draco Malfoy looked down at his shoes. Slowly but, reluctantly the realization set in and with it came acceptance. So, my father is a transsexual cross dresser, who is in love with the biggest snake on earth, the thought was strangely comforting, after all he could have practiced inappropriate charms on goats…

Ginny and Harry scene

'Um, Gin' said Harry

'Yes, Vodka' replied Ginny

'What birth control measures are there in the wizarding world?' said Harry

'I'm not sure, I'm just a little girl, how am I supposed to know all this!' she said 'Never mind that! Who cares!'

The entire world of Harry of Potter came crashing suddenly around him.

Corridors of Hogwarts

'Ron Weasley is dead!' shouted Ron as he stalked the corridors 'And from his ashes has arisen a new divine Lord, I shall now be called THE INVADER! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHHAHAH!' 

Suddenly there was a swoosh sound as a spell emanated from Hermione's wand and hit Ron squarely in the face. He collapsed into the full body bind sans mouth. 

'Hermione!' said Ron surprised, being pulled out of his delusional state

But Hermione did not respond. 

'Your soul is mine!' she screamed as she took out the potion from her robes 'Something I borrowed from Professor Snape' 

Ron's eyes widened with fear, so this was the Professor's newest invention

Hermione stripped and started to screw Ron with great vigor, from behind Parvati joined in

'HELP! HELP!' screamed Ron, but the silencing charms around the room kept everything quiet. 'I'm being raped by two beautiful sexy women'

Wait a minute his mind thought, are you crazy Ron! Why are you screaming for help? Two women! Two extremely beautiful and sexy women! His groans changed to moans and a smile lit his face 

'Here borrow my Vaseline' he said to Parvati 

Harry and Ginny

'Do you realize what you have done?' screeched Harry 'You could get pregnant!'

'Oh! Goody! We could have little potters get married and live happily ever after' she chimed

'HELP ME OH GREAT LORD OF ALL GOODNESS AND SYMPATHY! HELP!!!!!!' screamed Harry to the heavens

'Well! You don't have a fuss so much over a change of nappies!' said Ginny

A voice from the heavens responded

'BTW aren't you catholic?'

'Um Maybe' said Harry

'Well then according to the law for Catholics, you can't use protection' the voice replied as it faded

'WHAT! NO NO NO I'm Buddhist I'm am a runaway monk who fled from the Monastery after screwing the king's daughter! I am currently in political asylum!' screamed Harry

'YOU HAD AN AFFAIR!' screamed Ginny into his ear 'SO WHO IS THIS "OTHER" GIRL?' 

Draco Malfoy

Draco paced the room, his world slowly forming into some semblance of understanding around him. Voldemort was his father? 

Then he was the heir of Slytherin! 

'Sepensortia!' he cried, a snake emerged from his wand

'SWESSS RESSSS SSSS' he told it

It looked up at him with flashing eyes

'Your German accent is horrible' it said simply 'You should join a vocational class!'

Pansy Parkinson

'Hmm, now which one should I buy?' she said as she flipped through a magazine

'This would look good on Draco' she thought aloud 'But this would suit the occasion more'

'Decisions, Decisions' she mumbled to herself

She put down her copy of 'Witch Domina: Magical Mail Order Catalogue'

Fred and George Weasley

'Right, so we now both know our girlfriends are lesbians' he said gloomily

'Yeah' said George back equally gloomy

'There is a cloud around every silver lining' grumbled George

'And this lining was pretty thin' added Fred

'Maybe if we turned gay?' thought George 

Fred suddenly looked at him with an expression of utmost disgust, contempt and sickness.

'Oh! Lord! Please I didn't say that aloud!' screamed George

Ginny and Harry

'God is watching us, god is watching us, god is watching us, from a distance (a great distance)…' sang Ginny while Harry screamed at the roof

Draco Malfoy

Draco fiddled with the seal of the letter. He was afraid to see its contents. His father had sent something, and Draco was not sure he wanted to know what it was. Slowly he opened the cover

_Dear Drackie,_

_                     Voldie and I are to be married! I proposed and he accepted! (Well he hissed a lot and I took that as a yes). I am so excited! I can hardly sit down, I'm in seventh heaven. I am so glad that you support me. And I am so glad the rest of the death eaters treat me like a queen! It's so peculiar them fawning over me calling me your majesty! _

_Drackie__ there are many celebrations to prepare for! I have brought you a new pink dress robe, you will look so cute in it! with all those little dangling frills! _

_        And Voldie agreed that you could be the maid of honor! I have this lovely white dress with flowers set out just for the day! I know you will follow in your mother's foot steps!. Anyway I have to go, Voldie is waiting… (wink wink)_

_Your loving mother,_

_Linda Malfoy (To be Mrs. Voldemort) (Was Lucius)_

Draco at this point fainted and fell to the floor.

Snape

Snape slowly crept out of his dungeon.

'Dang! Blast! They had to see me naked' he grumbled 

His mind was still reeling from the shock. But he would not hide, it was a genuine mistake!

Bah! Humbug!

He patrolled the hallway in his shinny new robes. He ignored the peculiar stares he was receiving from the students, especially the female ones. 

News spreads fast, Bah! Humbug! Let them stare they will get over with it!

'Um Professor' said a Hupplepuff looking down at his privates

'What is it Mathews?' snapped Snape

Mathews said nothing but stared. Suddenly a cold feeling ran through Snape's spine.

He looked down; one thought ran through his mind 'Vigaraserum!' 

A/N: Let see how many movie and song references you can find in this chapter! Review Please! (Note Reviews make my fingers move and write more crazy chapters! This is the face of evil, signing off until next time… MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH!)


	8. Hutti Hutti Ho!

A/N:

It's here, it's finally here!

Oh! And btw as a gesture of madness, I'm adding the names of all the reviewers of this fic to my mailing list.

And if you want out, say so!

MWHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHH!

Fred and George

'Fred, I was meaning to tell you all along!' quickly explained George 'I have had a crush of Snape ever since second grade'

Fred started to sputter

'GEORGE TO YOU REALISE I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED WITH YOU FOR YEARS!' shouted Fred

'But, we're brothers! That's different!' replied George

'I CERTAINLY HOPE SO!' screeched Fred in return.

Draco Malfoy

Slowly the world came into focus for Mr. Malfoy. He opened his eyes one by one to see the ceiling of his dorm room. He looked around no one seemed to have seen him in this state. 

He sighed with relief, my reputation is still intact. It was only when he got up, did he notice a new addition to his underwear…

A chastity belt…

Harry Potter

Harry paced up and down his face white.

'You could get an abortion' suggested Harry

'You would loose the anti-abortion campaigners from your fan list' reminded Ginny

'hmm your right, so we cut abortion' said Harry 'I could pretend I was not the father'

'Magical DNA Testing' said Ginny

'Good Point' said Harry 'ooh! What am I going to do?'

'I have I idea!' said Ginny

'What!' said Harry now completely exasperated

'Let's get drunk!' she squealed.

'Sigh, Pass the bottle…' said Harry 

'Gin or Vodka?' asked Ginny conjuring up the bottles.

'Vodka, I've had enough Gin' 

Snape

Snape stood red faced in a corridor full of giggling students.

Quick he thought my wand. There was a blur as Severus Snape expert dueler wand drawer and winner of the fastest wand first award took out his wand. 

He muttered a quick spell to implement an illusion in front of him

'oh! Dear' he said aloud as a second later his clothes disappeared. 

Pansy

Pansy was walking around the room a key in her hand

'Finally, security at its maximum!' she rubbed her hands with an evil look in her eyes.

Draco Malfoy

'Alohamora!' 

'Alohamora!'

'ALOHAMORAAAAAA!!!!!' he screamed pointing to the chastity belt 

Nothing happened.

'This is not good!' he exclaimed 'This is definitely not good'

Hermione and Ron

After finishing their sexual encounter and ousting Parvati from the group, Hermione and Ron lay on the floor of the corridor exhausted but satisfied (in case of Hermione for the time being).

'That was amazing' sighed Ron

'You ain't seen nothing yet' purred Hermione

'Later, babe' said Ron 

'Don't call me "babe"' replied an angry Hermione

'Yeah whatever' said Ron

'I'll be back' said Hermione

'Where you going?' Ron asked

'To never never land' replied Hermione

'Where's that?' asked Ron

'At the end of the yellow brick road' said Hermione

'Which yellow brick road!' exclaimed Ron

'Somewhere over the rainbow' said Hermione

'Rainbow?' said a bewildered Ron

'hastalavista' said Hermione

'Hey wait!' said Ron

'For what?' asked Hermione

'The sound of music!' said Ron

'Music?' replied the now bewildered Hermione

'Yes, the music of the night' said Ron

'And where is this music?' asked Hermione

'Where eagles dare!' said Ron pointing upwards

'Wear what?' asked a confused Hermione 'I thought you were the man in black!'

'Perhaps, I've always wondered what lies beneath' replied Ron

'You can be sure it isn't a Mexican' she exclaimed

'ENOUGH OF THIS NONSESE!' screeched Ron

'I agree!' said Hermione her head clearing up slightly

'We have to solve the mystery!' said Ron

'Of what?' asked Hermione

'The mystery of the closet of secrets!' said Ron in a hushed voice

'You scared!' said Hermione with glee

'Am Not'

'Is to'

'Am NOT'

'Is to'

'Am not till infinity!'

'Is to to infinity + 1'

' + 2'

' + 3'

Pansy Parkinson

An owl arrived onto her bed. 

She quickly opened the package labeled PRIVATE. 

A frilly frock fell out of the package. With a note attached.

_Dear Pansy,_

_I want my Drackie to learn to wear this. I have also enclosed an invitation for you to my wedding with Voldie. Bring Drackie along!_

_Love,_

_L. Malfoy_

_(Linda)_

_P.S. I do hope you are keeping him under control!_

Pansy grinned. This was the result of a letter she had sent earlier. Now that she had Draco's father's er mother's support she could do anything!

A flipped a key in her hand. 

'This will come in handy!' she smiled

Dumbloredore

McGonagall adjusted her hair and quickly got rid of all the evidence. 

That was fun she thought, poor Dumblydoor! 

'Does the spello-duct-tape hurt?' she asked in seductive voice

'MMMMmmmmHHMM!' came the answer

'Are you sure?' she added

'MMMAAAAMMM' he said again

'Alright then!' she said and walked out

'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM….!'

A/N:

100 Points for who can give the names of all the movie references in this fic!

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Let the madness continue….

I'm BACK!

Er, you want the next chapter? Then review!

Either at fanfiction.net

Or at www.thefaceofevil.com!

BUT REVIEW!


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